aries: ‘illegal’?! you wanna play that game?!
taurus: my brother starred in a tamagotchi music video
gemini: if you say hello to me one more time you’re getting a detention
cancer: your homework is to pray for the mets
leo: *in the middle of explaining a formula* i want to buy velociraptor statues and hide them in the bushes outside my house for security. or become a robber and see how many people do that.
virgo: go ‘kinkshame’ in there
libra: i like a good khaki now and then. put ’em on, am i dressed up?? am i dressed down?? i don’t know!
scorpio: i don’t headbang. i headbanged at my wedding and that’s it. my son is a headbanger but he’s only 2 so that doesn’t count
sagittarius: there’s a reasonable explanation as to why my tie was in that freezer!
capricorn: how many popes are there?!
aquarius: i’ve been told i look like know-it-all kid from the polar express
pisces: i talk to rocks